o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
