I just pynch a tree in the face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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