If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
