They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
