Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
