u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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