My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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