i barfeds in our rink
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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