I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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