you would pick up someone in the library
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
