I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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