So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
