My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
