You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
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