just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
