things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
