ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As shirtless as possible
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
