I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
