He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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