Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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