Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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