I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
