if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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