Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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