I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
