when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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