Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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