Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
