is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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