To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
