I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize