Umm I'm too high to move.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
