I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
