sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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