Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
