Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
