420 ftw
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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