life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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