K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
