this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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