Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
