I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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