never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
