So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
