Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
