i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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