Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
