How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
