You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
