I think I died a long time ago.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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