honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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