So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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