Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize