shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
