I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
