My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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