Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
