Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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