I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize