I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
