i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
