youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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