3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I met the friendliest cop last night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
