I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
