Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
