don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
