i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
