my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
