I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize