Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
