good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
