glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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