I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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