Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
