I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
