He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
