The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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