I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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