yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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