I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
