u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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