Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
