I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
