If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
