Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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