I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
