Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
