I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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