Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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