Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
