i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
