my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
