My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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