this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
