i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
