His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
