Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
