I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
