Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
