After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
