This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
