Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
