I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize