If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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