maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
