That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
