yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
