He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
