So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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