now i know why i became what i already was.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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