so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
