i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
