areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
