Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
