I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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