in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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