How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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