if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize