I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
