chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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