even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
