how do flat chested girls get laid?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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