my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
