Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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